you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
