You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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