Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
