Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
