i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
