he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
