You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
