I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize