I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
