Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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