I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
