So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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