Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
