I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
bring money and cleavage
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
