the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
