Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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