Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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