I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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