Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
