Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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