saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
