If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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