I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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