this beer tastes like vomit already
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wow bdsm is so cute
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