What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Alive.
So much puke
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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