She said her name was "party"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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