Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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