worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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