yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
