Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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