I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need to stop coming to work sober
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
two words...techno handjob
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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