my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
