I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
