I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
