I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
