every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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