I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
