I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
