my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need water and some morals
Randomize
