Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
