Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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