Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize