you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
