my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
