My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize