Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
