i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
