please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone signed my nipple.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
