i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
