One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize