how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
