i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
