So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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