There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
