just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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