Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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