I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize