Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
