the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
