Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize