This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
