I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
