there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
