Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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