just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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