It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
is that a dick in a sweater?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
