when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
