their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
