the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
