My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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