If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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