i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
