my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
