I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
