Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just pee around me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
