he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
