do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
