You made me cry and you don't even care
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
